God Rocks!

I just love how God completely blows my mind all the time. Some times more than others. When I'm lonely He reminds me of His presence. When I'm scared or hurting he comforts me and brings me near. It's extraordinary to think about. It's even more phenomenal to experience it.

I have been recently been struggling with the issue of being alone. I have been alone most of my life. First of all let me explain to you what I mean by alone. I mean not necessarily physically alone, but I haven't had many close relationships or friendships with anyone. He has put a few amazing people in my life but more often than not I push them away or don't trust them completely.

Recently God has been showing me that He doesn't want me to live this way or with this mentality. He didn't intend for us to live life alone. He puts people in our life for a reason and since all of us are a reflection of Him, each person is kind of like God revealing a part of himself to us. What he wants to pour into our lives, He a lot of times does through others. God wants us to have friends and relationships where we feel loved so He can give us an earthly representation of his love for us. Even though his real love for us is millions of times bigger than that.

Thankfully God blessed me this year with a roommate. I had spent the second half of my freshman year living by myself. I hated it. I needed the accountability that having a roommate can provide. Then this year I started out once again alone. Then this little awesome freshman came along and moved in. I really liked having a roommate again. It was working out great. A few weeks ago I learned that next semester she will be moving upstairs to live with one of her friends. Once again second semester and I am all alone.

I have been praying that God would put bring along some awesome girl who wants to live with me but right now that doesn't look very hopeful. However I think that God has strengthened me greatly from last year and I think that if I do end up by myself I will be ok.

God has put some pretty amazing people in my life lately. I have slowly been realizing how much I do need people in my life. He has allowed me to start to open up to more people. He has allowed me to start building more relationships. It's a pretty cool thing. Even if I'm feeling lonely God is there. He knows my heart, my thoughts and my desires. He is in the people around me and the world around me. He blows my freaking mind.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in my, and lead me in the way everlasting.
-Psalm 139:23-24

Read all of Psalm 139. It is pretty good stuff.

*I know a lot of this may seem like it doesn't go together. I'm sorry but deal with it <3*

Sometimes I wonder how I can be so stupid

I'm a pretty independent person. I've been like that my whole life. For a majority of my life I never depended on anyone but myself. Then Christ entered the picture and my whole concept of what I was capable of doing was turned upside down.

In the year I have been a Christian God has given me so many amazing opportunities and I've done things that I never though I would every be able to do before. He has given me some pretty great responsibilities that can sometimes get overwhelming.

Yesterday was Dominate Sunday at Elevation. The grownups were all in one huge tent and the kids were spread out over Providence High School. The Motion kids (1st-5th) were in the auditorium where the main service usually is. It was the closest thing we had to Summer Blast quality yet. It was challenging adapting from the small area we're used to to the massive area we had yesterday but when it was all set up and done I was amazed (even though I probably didn't look it). When worship started and I took a step back and watched, I caught a glimpse of what Motion could possibly be some day. Ideas flooded my head. I am so excited about the possibilities.

After that incredible service a group of Elevators ventured up to New Spring Church. Our friend Rob hooked us up with a tour of the children's ministry there. It was pretty cool to see that again and see how they have changed since the last time I went there. I really just love seeing the way other churches deal with children's ministry. I will nit pick it until the end but they give me so many awesome ideas (which I still need to share). On the way back home I was pretty tired and not very responsive but one of the conversations in the car brought out all of my frustrations with my position. I think at one point I said something along the lines of I have such a heavy burden to carry and I just can't do it. I kind of just brushed it off and fell asleep.

This morning as I was walking to class that phrase popped into my head. Yes I do carry a heavy burden at times and there really is no way I can carry it myself, but God didn't give me these responsibilities for me to carry them alone. God doesn't just give you tasks that you can easily tackle by yourself. He gives you things that you can't do alone, things that you can only do through Him. That way when you do accomplish those things you can give Him the glory.

It seems that lately I am always overwhelmed. I'm tired, burnt out and frustrated with myself. I stress out, freak out and try to come up with a million possible solutions for any problem I have. I need to trust God. I need to rely on Him to get me through. I need to rely on Him for strength and comfort. I need to put Him into everything I do.

Somehow it seems that in the past month I had forgotten this. I went back to trying to do everything on my own. Something I just can't do. Sometimes I wonder how I can be so stupid. Haha.


God is so great and so sovereign and so wonderful!