I just love how God completely blows my mind all the time. Some times more than others. When I'm lonely He reminds me of His presence. When I'm scared or hurting he comforts me and brings me near. It's extraordinary to think about. It's even more phenomenal to experience it.
I have been recently been struggling with the issue of being alone. I have been alone most of my life. First of all let me explain to you what I mean by alone. I mean not necessarily physically alone, but I haven't had many close relationships or friendships with anyone. He has put a few amazing people in my life but more often than not I push them away or don't trust them completely.
Recently God has been showing me that He doesn't want me to live this way or with this mentality. He didn't intend for us to live life alone. He puts people in our life for a reason and since all of us are a reflection of Him, each person is kind of like God revealing a part of himself to us. What he wants to pour into our lives, He a lot of times does through others. God wants us to have friends and relationships where we feel loved so He can give us an earthly representation of his love for us. Even though his real love for us is millions of times bigger than that.
Thankfully God blessed me this year with a roommate. I had spent the second half of my freshman year living by myself. I hated it. I needed the accountability that having a roommate can provide. Then this year I started out once again alone. Then this little awesome freshman came along and moved in. I really liked having a roommate again. It was working out great. A few weeks ago I learned that next semester she will be moving upstairs to live with one of her friends. Once again second semester and I am all alone.
I have been praying that God would put bring along some awesome girl who wants to live with me but right now that doesn't look very hopeful. However I think that God has strengthened me greatly from last year and I think that if I do end up by myself I will be ok.
God has put some pretty amazing people in my life lately. I have slowly been realizing how much I do need people in my life. He has allowed me to start to open up to more people. He has allowed me to start building more relationships. It's a pretty cool thing. Even if I'm feeling lonely God is there. He knows my heart, my thoughts and my desires. He is in the people around me and the world around me. He blows my freaking mind.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in my, and lead me in the way everlasting.
-Psalm 139:23-24
Read all of Psalm 139. It is pretty good stuff.
*I know a lot of this may seem like it doesn't go together. I'm sorry but deal with it <3*
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3 comments:
I understand your feelings of being alone completely and I can sympathize.
I had a long comment but it kind of grew into my own post so now it is over on my blog. http://khil1.blogspot.com/2007/11/i-was-loner.html
God astounds me when I see a glimpse of what He planned.
And last but not least:
Happy birtday!
Your blog posts don't come often but man are they good! Here's to many more uncomfortable growth experiences!!
Hello Jennica. this is michael (that guy with the strange accent that hangs around with adam and helps with setup and tear down). I can understand what you mean with struggling with loneliness, I have done alot of traveling in my life and it is hard to start and maintain a meaningful relationship. Im sure God will grant the desires of your heart, because after all he loves us.
by the way you still owe me a chocolate bar :)
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