Sunday, January 29, 2012

Fired Up!

I just stumbled upon this blog after 4 years.

Maybe out of bordom...
Maybe out of curiosity...
Definitely God sent

Frankly I am blown away. My passion for the Lord, fire for reaching people and childlike faith. I had forgotten what that was like. I know I have changed over the past few years. I've matured and grown greatly. I'm in a very different place than I was 4 years ago. I'm married. Living with my husband (didn't think that would happen) and a cat (definitely didn't think that would happen) in an apartment in Fort Mill. I'm working in a job that I don't find fulfilling, struggling to find the calling God has placed on my life. For the past year or so I have been desperately searching for what I am suppose to be doing with my life. Constantly praying, calling out to Him night after night:

Lord what is my purpose?

What do You want to do through me?

Frustrated and tired, I feel like I had almost given up on my search. Nothing was happening. No doors were opening. I was stuck. Trapped. Wasting away without direction.

Then God awakened me.

A revival happened. Code Orange Revival to be exact. God has ignited a passion in me over those 12 nights that I haven't felt in a long time. For the first time in 5 or so years I decided not to sign up to serve any extra worship experiences. I did not overcommit. I decided I needed to be selfish. Something in me said I needed it. And boy I was glad I did! I was blessed to be able to sit in the auditorium for 10 of the 12 nights. I heard one incredible teaching after another and experienced worship like I have never before. I am still digesting what transpired over those 12 nights.

Then this week we started a new series. Living a Better Story. First of all this is right up my alley. I love the whole movie/writing spin on it. Those were both things I was passionate about growing up. It reassured me of one thing. God is still moving in me.

Then tonight I rediscover this blog.

Reread two years of stories and experiences.

I see what God has done in me.

I am now hopeful that He is not done yet.

I had passion and fire. I lost a lot of that. In exchange I gained wisdom and maturity. However wisdom and maturity without passion and fire can lead to a lackluster life filled with contentment. In that same way passion and fire without wisdom and maturity can lead lead to crashing and burning (like I did). Now If I could just reignite that fire and find my passion it will be a deadly combination. There is a reason the devil tried to extinguish my fire and dull my passion. God is not done with me. Contrary to what I previously thought, my best days are not behind me.

The best is yet to come.

God has a purpose for me. A calling that will lead to His glory.

I just need to stick to it. Let go and let Him move in me.

I need to focus on where He has placed me. Emerge myself even deeper into His word. Pray constantly. Serve Him with all my heart. Lead to the best of my ability. Keep going.

Our God is a God of hope

Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
How long will you assault me? Would all of you throw me down— this leaning wall, this tottering fence?
Surely they intend to topple me from my lofty place; they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless, but in their hearts they curse.
Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Psalm 62:1-8

Monday, September 29, 2008

I'm going to be honest

I am going through a bit of a rough spot right now. Actually I've been in this rough spot for quite a while now. I've hit a valley in my life and I feel as though I'm stuck. I've tried all that I can now to get out of it. Nothing seems to work. I feel abandoned, cold, crushed and scared. I'm frustrated and at the brink of giving up.

Last year I was at the top of a mountain. Life couldn't have been better. Then at the beginning of this summer I lost my bearings and abruptly started to fall off my mountain. I have been rolling down ever since. About a month or so ago I hit rock bottom. I hit a rough valley in my life. One that seems to never end. I can't even begin to explain how hard these past few months have been.

However yesterday I regained something that I thought I lost. Hope.

I know that I am in this valley for a reason and despite how much I may feel abandoned, God is still with me. He will never leave me. Even it I can't feel His presence He is there. I just need the strength to fight through this. The strength to persevere. The strength not to give up. He is on my side.

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not dissapoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given to us.

Romans 5:3-5

Monday, August 4, 2008

God of Abundance

Yesterday I wrote a check for the remaining balance of my checking/savings account to pay my bills for the month of July. This is after my 3 months of unsuccessful job searching and my 2 or so months of unemployment. My resources finally dried up. I had been stressing, freaking out and worrying for the past few weeks about what I was going to do when that day finally came.

Today I received a call from Best Buy asking me if they could conduct a phone interview with me. After talking with the lady she said that they really liked my application and would like me to come in for a second interview for a Customer Service position on Saturday! She said they they are open to hiring me for a few positions but that will be the first one they'll interview for. Then 10 minutes after I got off the phone with the Best Buy manager a woman called me and asked me to start babysitting her kids.... for $15/hour! My first job is Thursday night!

God is so good! I don't know why I worry and stress out so much. He has always provided for me and He will always provide for me. Even if it's not on my timing! He is a God of Abundance.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Matthew 6:25-27

P.S. More posts to come soon!

Friday, May 9, 2008

School's out for the summer!!!

Ok! School's out. Summer's here. As usual I set my summertime goals. I rarely set goals during the new year. Too many people do it then. I try to always have personal goals that I work on, but every summer and fall I try and set some big and fun goals to work on for that season. So here they are:

Summer 08 goals:

1. Read 6 books
2. Successfully move into my own place
3. Completely unpack and organize my personal belongings
4. Give away at least 1/4 of my wardrobe
5. Go on at least 1 spontaneous road trip
6. Learn a new skill
7. Study up on and learn how to be a better leader
8. Grow and improve the Production elements in EKIDZ significantly
9. Become more selfless
10. Invest more time into others
11. Write at least 1 play
12. Dance

There are some of my big and fun goals for the summer. Now I need to sit down and make some personal goals as well as goals for my ministry and for my faith. This is such a great time for growth and change. I can focus my time on things other than school for once. Last summer with the internship at Elevation I grew immensely. Now we'll see what this summer has in store. When school starts back up I will update and let everyone know how I did on my goals.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Crying out

This has been quite the trying week. Yesterday was quite possibly one of the worst days I've had this year. There was two huge incidents that occurred that shook me significantly. I never saw either of them coming.

On my way to work yesterday I witnessed part of a horrific car accident on I-77. A little blue Jetta got smashed sideways under a semi truck. It was one of the worst accidents I have ever seen and I managed to pull on just as the truck was trying to skid to a stop dragging the car under it. I didn't know what to do except pull over with the rest of the witnesses, make sure 911 was called and pray. I'm not going to go anymore into detail. I don't think I can bear to.

The second incident happened later that day. It had to do with a family issue that I never saw coming. That one hurt a lot. In a way as equally bad but completely different from seeing that car accident.

I am crushed. After trying to deal my typical way I realized the only thing I could do was not to calmly pray and hold in my emotions but to cry out to God. He is my rock. He is my refuge. He is the only thing in the world who can comfort me and get me through. There is something so great and so powerful in being able to become completely emotionally venerable and fully cry out to the Lord. Something I don't do often enough.

If you have a second in the next few day please pray for my family and I. It's going to be a difficult next few weeks.

Psalm 77

Sunday, March 16, 2008

In Love

I'm reading through Ephesians with the girls in my small group right now. During the week I have been reading through the same two chapters of scripture over and over to soak it in and really pray about what God wants to reveal to me. Last week we were covering Ephesian 1 and 2. For the entire week before small group I read it over and over again. Each time two little words stuck out to me. Two simple words who's meaning is greater than I could ever imagine. Two words which seem so basic of an action but is nearly impossible to truly follow through with.

In love....

Two simple words.

In love....

I couldn't figure out why out of the entire two chapters of scripture these two words stuck out above the rest. I prayed about it and talked about it in small group and I realized that God has called us to be "holy and blameless in his sight in love." I asked myself the following questions.

Is everything I do in love?

Is every word that comes out of my mouth in love?

Is my attitude reflecting that of love?

Is every action I do done in love?

Do everything in love.
1 Corinthians 16:14

I know for me I certainly don't do everything in love. Lately it has gotten worse and worse. I realize that I don't intentionally do things in a non loving matter but a majority of the time I let tiredness or crankiness get in the way of loving those around me. We are watched all the time. I don't think we even realize how much we are watched by those around us. I know my volunteers watch me. The kids in my room watch me. Their parents watch me. My family watches me. My classmates and professors watch me. We are suppose to be an example of Christ to others.

It's such a simple thing. We teach my Motion kids it all the time. It is one of the greatest commandments. Yet somehow for me it is sometimes the hardest one to follow. I let my emotions, my silly manners and pet peeves get in the way of loving everyone around me. I keep praying for God to reveal to me the things in my life that are keeping me from growing closer to Him. It's a hard thing to ask for but I think it is so necessary for me to do. I pray that God continues to challenge me in my life, from the simple things like loving others to chasing lions and repairing broken relationships.

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"
Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
Matthew 22:37-40

Monday, March 3, 2008

Dance Dance

I have a new found love for dance. Growing up I always wanted to take dance classes but I wanted to play sports more. My freshman year of high school I started taking ballroom dancing lessons. I loved it and started competing at the end of my sophomore year. Then that summer my family moved to Lexington and I never had the opportunity to continue on with it. My freshman year of college I took a tap class and loved it. The next semester I took a beginning ballet class and absolutely fell in love. There is something so relaxing and calming about dance. Now I'm a dance minor and trying desperately to learn and keep up with my classmates who have been dancing for years. In my ballet II class there are only two other girls in there with me. Of those two one has been dancing since she was 8 and the other since she was 12. I started at 19. It has been a challenge but there is nothing I don't enjoy more than one of those. Now I have a dance class every day except Sunday and am having so much fun with it.

Recently I have been realizing how I can use this new found creative outlet to worship God. Recently I ran into a passage in 2 Samuel about David dancing to worship God.

David, wearing a linen ephod, danced before the LORD with all his might
2 Samuel 6:14

I had never really thought of dancing as a form of worship. It has taken me a while to realize all of the different ways we can worship God. I had always though of just singing as worship. Occasionally raising my hand as worship. But I have recently I have discovered the freeing feeling of dancing before the LORD with all my might.